One Hour, Eight Minutes

I gave myself a deadline of "May" for all wedding ideas, and only one hour and eight minutes remain.

Must keep feverishly reading wedding blogs till midnight.

And then drive over the state line into the central time zone.

Exciting Things

Who would have ever thought that I would be thrilled to pieces by a port-a-pot.

I am a sad sad person.

A sad person who will have BEAUTIFUL PORT-A-POTS WITH HARDWOOD FLOORS AT HER WEDDING.

Yeah, you got that right. Nothing but the best for y'all.

We are so not royal.

Mom: "You know, at the Royal Wedding, Kate wore earrings her parents had made for her with their family crest on them."

Me: "Um, what exactly IS our 'family crest' - because I'm not wearing earrings with a leprechaun wearing a sombrero."

Nomnomnom

The french-toast-maple-bacon cupcake turned out more muffin-y than cupcake-y.

Delicious, but will likely not make the wedding cut.

Project One!

The results of my first project - a ruffled ribbon belt for my bridesmaids (Maid-of-Honor - please pretend you didn't see this).

This project was started and abandoned several times due to stabbed fingers and a desire to avoid bloody ruffles.

It needs a little polishing, but overall, I don't think it's gross.

The worst part by far was rethreading the needle 500 times for every ruffle.

One down, four to go (if I decide it is worthy of gifting).

IDEA

A pancake or french toast inspired cupcake, topped with a maple buttercream and crispy bacon.

This will happen, if I have to make up a recipe myself.

I'm drooling a little just thinking about it.

Why I Am Bad At DIY

Because I cleaned out my car today.

And found the supplies I bought for my first sample wedding project over a month ago.

Untouched in the shopping bag under a stroller.

Look out October, the Most Craftily Intentioned Wedding With The Least Actual Crafts Ever is rumbling towards you.

Seriously.

Not eating again until October 8.

Seriously.

Blog Depression

I've been reading all these amazing

DIY/
Look At These Amazing Decorations That Flow From My Hands Like Water Off A Duck's Back/
I Made My Own Super Beautiful Gown Out Of An Old Sheet/
I'm So Cool And Green And Vintage/
I Have More Creativity In My Little Toe Than You Have In Your Entire Body/
I Can Design Better Things In My Sleep Than You Have Ever Even Seen In Real Life/
These Handmade Fabric Flowers I Made In Five Seconds Look Better Than Your Wedding Bouquet

blogs, and they are seriously starting to depress me.

Am I the only bride in the world who doesn't have my own silkscreen business?

Also, am I the only bride not marrying a graphic designer who makes his own furniture and letterpresses "for fun"?

Margarita Cupcakes

I made these ones just for Cinco de Mayo kicks, thinking they would be too summery for an October wedding, and they turned out pretty darn delicious.

My charming fiance kindly pointed out that "you're a Mexican, so you can have margaritas whenever you want", and my brother's friend described it as "the kind of cupcake you would eat in heaven" and then ate three.

Great Success!

Newest Obsessions

This roll of vintage wallpaper scraps from a going-out-of-business antique store. $2!



This adorable Anthropologie swing coat. $2.50.



My new laptop case



And of course, my laptop.

Dear Ann Taylor Loft

Thank you so much for having the perfect dress for super cheap. Now I don't feel bad asking my bridesmaids to buy these shoes.

Haha. Just kidding.

(sort of).

Love,

Rachel

It Might Be A Good Idea To Apply This

From 100 Layer Cake.

Fun Fact

When I attempt to "post via email" it shows up in the archives in 1970. I promise those cupcakes aren't 41 years old.

Really blogger?

Thanks, AJC

Thanks AJC for posting a photo of me cracking my neck on your website. You clearly took like five pictures right there - did you really need to post the one where I look like a neck-less Michael Jackson?

Also, a vendor woman told me that I looked EXACTLY like Kate Middleton.

She then attempted to convince me that because of my uncanny resemblance, I need to buy a cheap replica of the royal engagement ring from her.

Nice salesmanship, but I think I'll pass.

Sweet Things My Fiance Says, 3

Fiance: I think your grandpa is really, REALLY going to stress you out over the next couple months."

So true.

And more cupcakes. . .

Tyler decided to jump on the bandwagon and make some cupcakes for the school bake sale this weekend. . .




Not sure if the "Aliens" are going to make the wedding cut, but they do look absolutely delicious. Mmmm. . .marshmallows.

Apple Cider

Fun Fact: If your Apple Cider Cupcake doesn't taste very apple-cidery, it might be because the strange organic apple cider you found on clearance at Kroger is actually only flavored with peach pulp.

Orange Creamsicle

Yummy dreamy orange frosting on a slightly overdone orange cupcake.

Why I Am Going To Be A Fatty McFatfat Bride

Cupcakes.

DIY-ing a cupcake wedding cake is harder than it appears, and requires many MANY batches of sample cupcakes for tasting purposes.

In the last week I have made eight dozen cupcakes, and unfortunately none of them were disgusting. Which means I CAN'T STOP EATING THEM.

Also, frosting tastes better than spinach.

If Only. . .

If only I had spent more of my girlhood planning my dream wedding, and less of it reading biographies of Theodore Roosevelt, I probably wouldn't be feverishly reading wedding blogs at 4:30 AM.

Curse you hindsight, and your 20-20 vision!!

Sweet Things My Fiance Says, 2

"You know, my roommate moves out in June, so that might be a good time for you to start moving some of your things in. . ."

I think: oh, how sweet - he wants me to start getting settled in!

". . .because all the dishes here belong to him, and I don't want to have to go out and buy new ones."

A Conversation With My Grandfather

G: This is strictly a business call.

Me: Ok?

G: What are you going to do about A, B, C, D, E, F, & G? I already figured out H-P.

Me: Oh. . .really? Um, hadn't really thought about where the grandmothers will gather while waiting to be walked in. . .

G: You need to decide that ASAP. What about Q, R, S, T, U, and V?

Me: Do I really need to figure out what time we will start baking cupcakes right now?

G: Yes. Also, W, X, Y, and Z.

Me: No. I am not printing in the program that you are not allowed to go to the bathroom during the ceremony.

G: Just think about it.

Meet Bridezilla

Guess what - it isn't me. It is my wedding site coordinator/owner.

Who also happens to be my grandfather.

After the fruitless venue shopping with Fiance, I was about at the end of my rope, when Grandpa pointed out that every already-booked place that we just loved looked sort of like. . .his yard.

Another huge sigh of relief.

No fees, no contracts, no catering restrictions, or per-head charges. Just a little yardwork and a toilet rental.

However, my grandfather is Bridezilla.

This weekend I'll take a picture of his giant chalkboard with all wedding duties and prep work already assigned.

Sweet Sigh Of Relief

Deep Breath.

Although one of my wedding websites will NOT STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR about how I am ONLY 136 DAYS (or something like that) away from THE BIG DAY, I feel somewhat better.

I have a dress, a date, a location, and a super aggressive site-coordinator (more about him later).

I have approximately 236 tabs of "inspiration" open in my browser (234 of which are things that I am determined to make myself), 26 dog-eared pages of cupcake recipes to test, and 17 types of overzealously and prematurely purchased fabric.

Not sure why buying everything in sight that I might just totally/definitely/maybe/possibly/I-guess-I-could use makes me feel better, but it does.

I am going to have more serving platters than Buckingham Palace by the time this wedding is over.

Sweet Things My Fiance Says

"Don't stress - I will marry you a trailer park if I have to. All that matters is that we get married."

Totally Awesome Moment of the Day

While scouring the local goodwill for some used bridal magazines, I came across this dress for $9.99 WITH TAGS

After a quick touch-up with the iron, my fabulous local consigner is listing it for $130.

And that takes care of my popcorn machine rental. Squee!

I love easy money.

Venue Shopping: The Results Show

Venue One: OMGorgeous. Birds singing in the treetops. Burbling brooks. Ridiculous on-site dressing rooms. Charming bridges over aforementioned burbling brooks. Quaint paths through country gardens.

Also, TOTALLY BOOKED FOR OUR WEDDING DAY.

Venue Two: Not open. Fortunately, also not gated. I did feel a little bad strolling past a sign that said "Please pay admission in gift shop before entering garden" and we crept on tiptoes through the entire thing. However, the whole place was super tiny. No open spaces large enough to accomodate our huge (and growing) guest list. Plus, the building on-site was also some kind of high class museum of hideous porcelain statues.

Venue Three: A little out in the boondocky part of town, but quite charming. It was like a little village of bed-and breakfast cabins/villas. The event center was closed, but the on-site restaurant was open.

And horrible.

The bread was a dried out, burnt, but still cold dinner roll that set the tone for the entire meal. Our waitress seemed to forget we were there, my salad had approximately 1.5 cups of black pepper in it, and Fiance's pork chop had the tenderness and flavor of a well-worn cowboy boot. By the time we were finished, we were not just crossing it off the potential venue list, we were NEVER COMING BACK, and also WRITING A TERRIBLE REVIEW ON YELP.

Cheers to a successful evening!!!

Venue Shopping

I'm leaving work early to go venue-shopping with Fiance tonight. Fingers crossed that this expedition will be more successful.

Blech

Seriously. Venue-shopping is the worst.

I hate it.

How is it that a place that looks spacious and elegant in pictures can look so tiny and tacky in real life?

Also, why did you not tell me that the reason you have "no weddings booked on my potential date!" is because YOU HAVE A TRAIN TRACK RUNNING THROUGH YOUR PROPERTY AND YOU HAVE NO WEDDINGS BOOKED EVER??!!!

I'm going to end up getting married at a Waffle House.

Bridal Magazine Nightmares

I bought my first bridal magazine today, and am now completely traumatized.

The first checklist begins "18-24 months before the wedding".

Apparently six months out is considered "THE FINAL SPRINT".

Awesome. I am on "THE FINAL SPRINT" with no dress, date, venue, or wedding party.

Better start sprinting faster.

In The Beginning

So. I'm engaged. Crazy!

I didn't expect it either.

When my dashing now-fiance-then-boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed, my answer was "shutupyouvegottobekiddingareyouforreal???" followed by hysterical sobbing and shrieked "yesyesofcourse!!"

Sadly, I am not one of those girls who spent her adolescence planning her wedding - I know every detail of my funeral beginning to end, but am at a complete loss when it comes to gowns, flowers, programs and cake.

Anyways, here we go. . .